Welcoming Back Yourself
A friend once told me when, back when I was a sophomore in college, “When you think you know yourself the most, you know yourself the least.”
When I look back at the writing I did on this site from 2020-2021, I don’t cringe or shudder or even hate what I was saying. In fact, I miss the confidence of the person I was at 25.
But that statement comes to mind as I welcome myself back to Courtesy of Catie.
Everything I wrote back then I still believe to this day. I know it’s true which is why it’s not cringe worthy but more so painful, to read it back. In the last 2 years, what’s gone “wrong. How did I let myself get so far removed from the lifestyle, the mindset, the faith, and the sheer doggedness I had back then.
Well, I can think of quite a few things but that’ a story for another day (or post) - if you’re willing to listen.
The point is, I have to trust that everything went how it was supposed to go. Which means, maybe I was just a little too confident in who I thought I was - I clearly needed a few more lessons, a few more growing pains. Situations back then weren’t quite as complicated as they are now. In retrospect, I had a lot. I had steady friends, a steady job, a steady situationship (sound the alarms..), but little by little those were all the things that took me further away from what I had. Or futher away from a life that was build on loving myself.
because that’s really what happened.
From April 2021 on, I had forgotten what it was like to put myself first and to take the advice I so needed to hear and gave to others so many times. I sacrified honesty, transparency, and communication all under the guise of people pleasing and comfort. And in doing so, lost everything that I knew during the time when i was touting confidence building from the rooftops. But I can’t help but think that some of the things I lsot during that time, must’ve never been forever in the first place.
So here’s to building myself back at 27. I’m hoping holding myself accountable with this writing will help.
