Want to build confidence? Try this out.
Taking yourself on a date is not what you think.
Sure you can grab dinner and drinks on your own, but it’s definitely not the only option. In fact, the possibilities are endless.
A solo date is going on a hike by yourself or trying a workout class on your own.
It’s driving around after getting a coffee at the drive thru and putting on some music, rolling down the car windows and heading to a scenic overview.
It’s going to TJMaxx, getting your nails done and stopping for a sandwich at the new deli on the way home.
Simply, it’s doing something you would normally do with another person…all alone!
It’s a day or a couple of hours dedicated to yourself. It’s a time you’re not attached to anyone or anything for a little bit.
Over the last few months taking yourself on “dates” is something I’ve explored. I’ve realized I truly enjoy being out and about without texting anyone or calling anyone. Just me myself and I and whatever thoughts I have.
It’s an incredible change of pace. Think about it - most of us are ALWAYS moving. Our schedules are packed; we have plans with friends and family, we’re working, volunteering and taking on whatever responsibilities in between…all while trying to maintain a sleep schedule.
Maybe spending time by yourself seems lonely. However, taking some time to be alone and away from the chaos of day to day might be exactly what you need
I get it - it sounds weird. It might even seem a little scary. Having dinner or watching a movie, especially in a public place, alone? Yuck.
It might sound cheesy, but you know the saying nothing worth doing is easy? It applies here.
If you’re uncomfortable with spending time alone, you’re the perfect candidate for a solo date. Taking yourself on a date is an opportunity to become more comfortable in your own skin, to learn more about yourself and the world around you at your own pace.
And that builds confidence.
The most confident people I know are individuals who enjoy and truly value their own company.
Taking yourself on dates reminds you that the relationship with yourself is important. It needs some TLC. It should be prioritized the same way you prioritize and care for the others in your life. At the end of the day, you are always there for yourself. You are your number one supporter. You are your teammate. And that doesn’t diminish the other amazing relationships with have in our lives (it actually benefits those relationship too). The simple fact is no one can show up for you the way you can. That’s why it’s important to keep yourself happy and do things that make you feel good. And while it’s all cute when we say “you know me better than I know myself,” nothing is more freeing or more empowering than being confident and emotionally self-reliant.
When you spend some time alone - unlike dating another person - you’re taking the time to get to know YOU. You might uncover interests you didn’t know you had.
You are absolutely capable of having enjoyable, memorable and fulfilling experiences even without someone physically by your side. It’s important to understand and be comfortable with that feeling.
Sometimes your friends might not be as excited about a new brewery opening up or a concert, or a rock- climbing gym. But why does that mean you should you miss out on that! Taking yourself out on a date proves that you can explore and be curious and learn more about yourself on your terms.
And who knows, you might make new friends along the way.
I took myself on my first real “date” this summer. I’ve always been someone who liked to go for coffee or get my nails done alone, but this was different.
It was Sunday afternoon and after a pretty terrible dating experience the night before, I woke up feeling drained, confused and stuck. I’m not sure what exactly came over me but I knew I wanted to be out of the house for awhile without worrying about anything or anyone. I went to Starbucks, walked around an arboretum and grabbed a drink and an appetizer at a local bar after.
When I got to the arboretum, I threw my phone in my draw string and just start walking. As someone who always workouts or walks with music, I felt the need to cut that out and be present. As someone who also suffers from decision making anxiety, the beginning was a little tough (there were many forks and paths in the road despite it being a smaller arboretum). Yet after a few turns, it felt so natural.
At one point I decided to cross a bridge that led to vibrant, green view with a small creek. There was a young woman sitting on a bench holding what looked like a recorder and my first instinct was to turn around so I wouldn’t bother her. But I didn’t want to miss out on this view and besides I was curious to see if the next trail led somewhere different or simply back in a circle. Long story short, we ended up having a conversation for well over an hour about essentially every topic under the sun; dating, the unfortunate innate competitive nature of women, traveling, career and future plans, so on and so on. We ended up walking a little while together and learned a lot about each other. That conversation even allowed me to learn more about myself; sharing fears and plans I never would’ve thought about.
Ever since that day, I’ve made it a point to set aside some time at least once a week or once every other week and have a couple of hours to myself.
No, I don’t always make a new friend, go on a hike or have deep conversations with a stranger, but I do take advantage of ME time.
I’ve learned that “dating” myself recharges my social battery. I’m a better me when I have time away from the chaos of day to day life. I feel fulfilled when I have personal experiences that are near and dear to, well me - moments that are my sole joy that no one else can take away.
